An open letter to myself

November 19
AN OPEN LETTER TO MYSELF:

Dear Arianne, Yan, AR, Arian, Self:

You have been through a lot like many of the people around you. Your character and strength had been tested a lot, and I mean, a LOT. Sometimes, I am not proud of you, iyakin mo kasi. Parang di ka nauubusan ng tubig sa katawan. Kunsabagay, medyo malaki ang kaha mo. :) Pero mahal kita. Because of the person inside you. Kahit ansungit mo sa trabaho pero alam kong gagawin mo ang lahat para sa taong mahal mo. You never afraid to love. You have a big heart. And you know how to forgive. I remember nung elementary days mo, you always been bullied. Kaya siguro lagi kang most behave ng klase. Nung 4th grade, ayaw mo ng pumasok kasi aasarin ka na naman. Pero you graduated in elementary with an award. Kinaya mo diba? You did  well din high school. Proud na ko sayo nun kasi marunong ka ng  maki-mingle with others. Dun ko narinig yung pinaka-malulutong mong tawa. You gained great friends. Friends that you will treasure for lifetime. In college you learned lots of lessons. You've been bad and you made your mama very disappointed. Nung college mo rin naranasan ma-inlove  at ma-heart broken. It was not easy. But you stood up, you made things right. Nagpaka-broken ka din. Sobra ka. Grabe ka. Kala mo nung time na yun ikaw na ang pinaka-malas na tao sa mundo. You've been unfair sa mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sa'yo. Pero lagi ka naman bumabangon eh. Nung nagawa mo yun, sabi ko, ikaw na!  Ngayon, naging unfair ka na naman. Gusto kitang kutusan kasi kinakalimutan mo na yung mga barkada mong nandyan lagi para sayo. Dami dami nyo ng pinagdaanan tapos tini-take mo sila for granted. Mag-sorry ka! Alam ko din naman na miss mo na sila eh. Yung lima kayo. Yung feeling nyo kahit saan pwede kayo mag-trip. Yung magkakape kayo tapos magkwekwentuhan kayo ng magkwekwentuhan tapos di nyo na namalayan na 3am na pala. Alam kong gustong-gusto mo na sila makasama. Huwag ka na mahiya. Tatanggapin naman nila lahat eh kasi kaibigan mo sila. Itaga mo yan sa bato. Alam kong takot ka ngayon. At parang hinuhugot ang puso mo. Kakapagod ba? Pero ganun talaga AR. Ganun magmahal. Para namang hindi mo yan alam. Kaya, wag ka ng mag-inarte dyan. Get up, stand up, move forward kagaya nung kilala ko. Gaya nung AR na kilala ng lahat. :)

My song for the moment

                                                            "I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No: I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

sad

Kung pwede lang. Bakit hindi? Alam mo namang gagawin ko ang lahat para sa relationship na 'to. And I am just protecting our relationship. Sana maintindihan mo na hindi ko rin to gusto. Kung wala nga lang akong obligation pa, come what may..pero hindi pwede yun eh..masakit lang.. :(

Acceptance

Hi Bro, I can't explain what I am feeling, what will

I feel or what should I feel. If my family can't accept

for who I am then who will accept me? Ang hirap

pala ng buhay. Ang hirap hirap.. There was a

moment sa Masinag kanina, after ko bumaba

ng jeep, there was a moment na gusto ko tumigil

na lang lahat kahit sandali lang. I just want to

breathe. Pero, kailangan lumaban diba? You gave

this life to me and I want to give it back to you

Bro..I am sorry I'm saying this, pero I'm tired

of disappointing everyone..hurting everyone by

my choices. Disappointing them by living who I am.

They are the ones who should first accept me pero hindi.

Paano pa ko lalaban kung sila mismo ang nagsasabi

na mali ang pinili kong buhay? Bro, hindi ko naman

mababago kung sino ako. Please guide me.

1 STEP

Hi Bro, Hirap lang..ang bigat..alam ko may katapusan din 'to..lahat ng 'to. Thanks for giving Bon to me. She's everything Bro. She's my strength..Pag sobrang bigat like this, am just thinking a future with her and ang alam ko, lalaban ako para dun. Sa Future na yun. Sana, it will come true. Mahal ko sya. Haharapin ko 'to para sa future with her.. :)