Disappointed - thwarted in hope, desire or expectation.
Aaminin ko, I act carefully. Because I hate confrontations, arguments. Ayoko ng may maa-upset because of me. I hate letting people down. Kaya nga minsan, hirap akong tumanggi. I don't want to be the cause of their sadness. Kaya sa huli, ako rin ang nahihirapan pero okay lang, basta nakikita kong masaya ang isang tao dahil sakin, am satisfied in a way.
Sabi ni ma'am my, dapat daw mag-usap kami ni mom. More time together, bonding. Pero i'm not comfortable talking with her. Siguro dahil matagal syang nawala and di naman talaga open relationship ang meron kami. Marami syang di alam tungkol sakin. Hindi nya alam ang mga favorites ko, mga bagay na nakakapag-paiyak sakin, mga nakakapagpasaya, mga little wants up to my biggest dreams. Malungkot..kasi i don't want to open a single conversation dahil marami akong tinatagong emotions na natatakot ako na baka masaktan ko sya. Hindi matatawag na sama ng loob pero siguro her shortcomings made me feel na malayo sya. Malayong malayo. Gusto ko sya abutin. Gusto ko sya makasama. I want to share things with her. Lage kong gusto sya ayain mag-kape kasi parehas kaming mahilig dun. Pero, everytime na nita-try ko. It ended up na di pwede, naduduwag ako. Nahihiya akong invite sya for a bonding kasi di ko alam ang sasabihin ko. I want to say na, "Ma, there's this girl na gusto ko.." or "Ma, i really love cinnamon swril and caramel macchiato.." .. Haaay.. I miss my mom. Minsan, i want to hug her very tight and say, "I love you Ma.." pero di ko magawa. Kasi alam kong many times ko syang na-disappoint..napakaraming beses.
I disappointed her again. At nasasaktan ako because of that. It punches my heart everytime na makikita ko sya. I want to say, sorry ma. Siguro I hate letting people down kasi the person closest to my heart is..lagi ko nadi-disappoint na ayaw kong ng may dumagdag pa..
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