Bestfriends

still on the love swing i see? ...

one minute you are deliriously happy... and then for some reason and with utter urgency you are desolately sad. hmmmm so i guess things are normal after all cause if you weren't acting like that then it could not be you.

as always i just want you to be happy and this time i do not really care about the cost. maybe you can call it desperation on my part. i want you to be happy. it seems to me that you have been through so much heart tearing, bludgeoning and stabbing that you at least deserve to give your self a chance at love no matter how oddly placed, untimely, immoral, unfit (and all imaginable words that signals stop!) it may be.

i already get the fact of the possible casualties to this selfish venture of pursuing love and its promises but hey, life is unfair at most and any level. and maybe this is just one of it ... at least to them.

i mean if you really do love her. go ahead and love her in any situation you are allowed to. love fully. love selflessly. maybe it is bound to end sometime or maybe it would last longer than expected. the point is you loved and hopefully get the opportunity of being loved back in return... which by the way is beyond glorious. I promise you.

Maybe most people would not understand. Some never will. But the only question really is if you love her and if she feels the same ... and if you both agree on that issue maybe it would be great to start talking about how you would go beyond, over, between and out of the odds you might face.

Maybe you can agree to take each challenge one at a time. Agree to be each others support and strength. To both look at the water before jumping in and should you decide to jump in, you jump in holding hands. You jump together.

I am not sure what I want you to do really but I am sure that I want you to be happy.

Kanina, I'm telling you that I love you, but now..I hate you for making me cry..but thank you for your FB message. I'm missing you a lot and thank you so much for understanding me. I remember when I was broken. After ng puyatan from shift, sasamahan mo pa ko sa Glorietta kasi ayoko matulog, ayoko magpahinga kasi takot akong mag-isa. Alam mong duwag ako. At alam mo kung gaano ako ka-iyakin. But you've been there, para alagaan ako, para samahan ako sa pag-iyak, sa pag-inom, sa pag-yosi at sa paggastos ng sobra sobra. Hanggang sa naging okay ako. Ngayon, eto na naman. Kahit gaano ka kalayo, nakukuha mo parin akong samahan. I miss you Ney. And hoping you are here. I need your shoulder, and I badly need your hug. I'm in love but I'm in pain. I'm in pain for months now. Pero ngayon, magiging proud ka sakin, kasi di na ako tulad before na iinom, yoyosi ng maraming pakete at gagastos ng sobra. Iyakin parin pero tinuruan nya ako maging better. Kaya mahal ko sya. Mahal na mahal ko sya Ney. Kung papipiliin ako kung sinong gusto ko makasama sa buhay. Siya yun. Kaso, hindi binigay ng pagkakataon eh. Kaya nasasaktan ako..nasasaktan ako ng sobra sobra. Kasi wala akong magawa. Gusto ko man ipaglaban, pero natatalo ako ng konsensya ko. I want to run away from her but at the same time, I want to run going to her direction. Pero sa lahat ng gabi na iniisip sya, etong gabi yung sobra sobra. Hindi ko alam ang reason. Paulit ulit kong binabasa, tinitingnan lahat ng makakapag paalala sa kanya. Kasi I want to feel her. I want to hear her voice or kahit anong news from her. Gusto ko sya makasama in any way. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan 'to. Kilala mo ako, I will weigh things. At ngayon, ang gusto ko lang..yung lumayo.