Down time

This day was one of my lowest times in Jardin. Early in the morning, I am so sure about it, I want to QUIT. I want to run down and go to a place where I can't hear her voice. After talking with her, went to the pantry, made coffee and sat for minutes. I am demotivated. My heart is with Jardin, I love my work but those reasons are not enough to stay and it's making me feel sad. Yet, I don't have a choice, I have to stay because of that 1-yr. Minutes more, Ma'am My entered the pantry and asked me what's happening. I said, "Ma'am, ayoko na po." She was surprised, "Anong ayaw? As in ayaw mo na?" she asked. I said with trembling voice, "Yes ma'am, ayoko na. Pero, wala akong choice." My statement made me sadder. I want to cry dahil naaawa ako sa sarili ko. This is the first time in my life that I don't have any option. I always have options. If I want to quit, I quit. Pero ngayon, hindi na ganon. Masakit isipin. Down-spirited day continued and I experienced some probs that made me realize that quitting is as good as freedom. I want to reach it. I want to be in that place. Yung tapos na lahat ng unos ng buhay ko. Yung tahimik na. For the 3rd time, I cried again because of work. Ang sakit sakit sakit. Masikip sa dibdib.