Random thoughts..and now.

I miss you..

Your hand that says I'm just here..
And now, I feel sad,
no one's there to hold it..
It makes me feel that, I'm alone..
Your head that lay on my shoulder..
And now, I feel sad,
no one's there to make me feel that I'm loved.
Your eyes that says, forever..
And now, those eyes are looking some where..
in a world without me..
Your laughter that means happy ending,
And now, I'm hearing no one..

Our dreams..and now, its gone..
It's tearing me in pieces..

One Holy Kembot

Buding in sariyaya with Malapitan clan..Melvin in lucban with family..Bern in delhi, working..tetai commented on my post na di natuloy ang batangas nila..so it's me and tetai ang natira..at dahil dyan, atubiling naghanap ng kembot ang mga beki.. :)

Lumabas ako to check our street. Sarado lahat. Maski ang sari-sari store sa tabi namin.. Hmmmm...mukang malabo. Pero pursigidong kumembot. Aminado naman kami ni tetai na sobrang boring at frustrated kami sa nangyari. Para bang hindi kumpleto ang taon..at nakakainis isipin..i asked him kung isusugal namin ang starbucks sunnymede..nasa sykes building yun, call center, so meaning open yun malamang. Nagpababa ng araw, at umalis ako ng 4.30 dito sa house. Ang daming tao sa st.peter, pero na-catch ang attention ko when I saw sbux convergys.. may nagkakape at open ang lights..hindi na-convince, pero nung dumaan ako sa sbux shopwise..confirmed! open sila.. :) I texted tetai right away and he replied na open din ang mcdo at chowking sa may kanila..yes! pumapabor parin..mcdo q.ave edsa kami nagkita..open na open! haha..made me happy! Cheeseburger de luxe for both of us..yosi..then we decided to have coffee in morato since open naman pala lahat ng sbux stores..sakay ng jeep..ang daming establishments parin ang business as usual..sobrang modernized na talaga. Before, monday palang, wala ng palabas sa tv, wala ng tao, at ang maririnig mo na lang ay ang pabasa..ngayon, iba..we arrived there, ang daming tao..sabi ni tetai, parehas namin sila..mga hindi natuloy ang summer escapades..hehe..Matagal tagal narin naming hindi ginagawa yun, yung dalawa lang kami..kwentuhan about life and love..favorite topics naming dalawa..catching things up with him made me happy. I missed tetai, i missed our conversations..sobrang ganon parin. Pero ngayon, mas mature topics na..about being an adult..like him, kinakabahan narin ako about how my future would be..25 na kami eh..mid-half way na..shux! Mas masaya yung inalala namin yung galera last year..best summer experience yun eh! Medyo sad man, pero masaya ako to be with him..isang story na naman ang madadagdag na masarap balikan..one holy kembot.. :)

Stepdad

It's kuya bobot's birthday..my step dad. I wonder bakit kuya bobot ang tawag namin sa kanya hindi tito. Siguro nasanay na lang. I first met him nung 2nd yr college ako..I was 17 then, 8 yrs ago. But, believe it or not, we're not that close. Ang daming bagay pa ang hindi ko alam sa kanya. Pero, kung tatanungin ako..gusto ko naman sya for my mom. Bilib din ako sa kanya, kasi ang hirap kaya ng long distance relationship. Nakita ko naman talaga na mahal nya si mama. Biyudo sya, his wife passed away 10 yrs ago. Sabi ni mom, 2 yrs daw na wala ang asawa nya before they met. He's from valenzuela. He has 3 kids..puro babae..yung panganay, kasing edad ni ate,27..yung sunod kasing age ni allan, 21 and yung bunso, if I'm not mistaken, 13..I met them nung umuwi si mom dito at nag-ninang sya sa kasal ng common friend nila. They were nice, pero again..hindi ko sila close. I'm wondering what our life will be pag ikinasal na sila. Yep..they are planning to get married. Admitted, I was hurt nung nalaman ko..syempre naman diba? Pero am not selfish, if mom's happy..why not? First reaction lang siguro talaga na totally..andun na yung reality na my mom and my dad are not going to be okay. Wala na. Dead end na for them. Tapos na story nila. Para bang lalagyan na ng tuldok. And, masakit yun. I remember saying it to ate. My ate is kind, kindest samin..sya yung tipong dapat ka nang magalit pero hindi parin sya nagagalit. Kaya okay lang sa kanya. Mas okay sila ni kuya bobot. They're texting, hindi katulad ko. Am not sure why I've been in this situation..yung okay lang..kung ano na..yun na..hindi ko naman masabi na mom, nasaktan ako nung nalaman ko yung plan. Siguro the most hurting part lang is yung ni-compare nya ko kay kuya bobot about how to handle my finances. Sobrang magastos daw ako unlike him. I was crying and told her that, she does not have to compare me with him. Dahil magka-iba kami. In a lot of ways, magkaiba kami. From then, yung 1km na layo namin, dumoble..ang hirap..at masakit..i really have dad issues..Sana si allan, my younger bro, will be a great dad. Well, kuya mike, ate's hubby, is a great dad to mai and soy..and he's been a great hubby to my ate. As I'm writing this, naririnig ko that kuya bobot is cooking. Yun naman yung gusto ko sa kanya, magaling sya magluto..mas magaling pa kay mom. Masarap yung pansit nya at pastel. And he has electrical and carpentry skills. Marunong sya sa halos lahat ng pang tatay na trabaho. I wonder what are my dad's skills. Ganun din kaya sya sa bagong family nya? Mapagmahal kaya sya? Mga tanong ko na malayo o baka hindi na masagot. I really wish for my mom's happiness. Kung masaya si mom, dun ako. Alam kong may nakita si mom na maganda sa kanya, why she chose him. 8 yrs is 8 yrs..i know that he is a good person, sana dumating yung time na yung mga madaming bagay na hindi ko alam sa kanya..mabawasan kahit papano..I can see a dad in him..sana mabigyan kami ng time and chances..for now, I'm thanking him for making my mom happy..

I missed summer

I miss Puerto G.

It has been our (BNC) tradition that ever year, we will spend our summer vacation in Mindoro. From a 3 and a half-hour bus ride in Cubao, which will take you in Batangas pier and another 1 hour boat ride, you will see a long white beach. Sobrang daming tao kasi it's a cheaper version of Bora. If you have 4k, buhay na buhay ka na. Nagsimula ang Galera tradition nung 2007. Sadly, hindi ako nakasama coz I spent my summer vacay in Baguio. Pero nung '08 and '09, when I experienced it, parang di na kumpleto ang summer pag wala yun. The sun, the beach, the crowd and the mindoro sling! Wow! I feel free when I'm there! Parang ina-absorb kasi ng beach ang lahat ng negative vibes mo..pag nandun ka, wala kang iisipin kundi ang magsaya. I love Galera! But now, for some reasons, hindi natuloy..I feel sad..start palang kasi ng taon, am looking forward in to that..sayang..I miss walking on the beach..I miss the shots of Galera blue..the nights of fun..the people..the celebration of friendship..haay..

Random thoughts..runaway

And now, i want to runaway..
the pain in my chest,
tears in my eyes,
the loneliness in me..
i cant bear..
And now, i want to runaway..
to runaway with you..
And now, i want to hold your hand..
and runaway with you..
I want to be with you..
and runaway with you..
But what if, I say it to you..
Would you hold my hand too?